The Ugly Shoe Manifesto

That’s right, an Ugly Shoe Manifesto.  Unfortunately, Karl Marx cornered the market on the “M” word and people don’t always want to use it in every day vernacular.  After all, who wants to be on a watch list?  🙂  A Manifesto is defined simply as, “a public declaration of intentions.”  The plural of manifesto is “manifestoes.”  What better term to use when talking about ugly shoes?  Get it, Manifes-TOES…. 🙂

Did you know that in my real life I’m an English teacher?  It’s true.  So I can appreciate the poetry that’s involved in fashion.  Yes, poetry.  Shoes in and of themselves contain plenty of it.  Shoes can personify the wearer, preppy, biker, hippie, etc.  They can also convey opposite meaning.  Irony.  Unexpected.  Like, what in fact makes a shoe ugly?  Usually the very components that make it a man repelling choice of footwear are precisely the reasons why women want to wear them.  They’re comfortable and we feel good all day.  Why is that ugly?  Is it ironic, or smart?

Suddenly “ugly” is beautiful.  There’s a sense of irony in a big bulky strapped on shoe with a delicate summery dress.  Beautifully tailored cigarette pants with a big old pair of clod hoppers is chic.  It’s a hyperbole in that it’s an obvious and intentional exaggeration.  Not just big sandals, Big.  Clunky.  Sandals.  Don’t believe me?  Look here, and here, and here.

There is much debate, ironically over who started the resurgence in the popularity of the Ugly Shoe Movement.  J. Crew offered hideous pieces that flew off the shelves.  The houses of Celine, Michael Kors, Chloe and Prada to name just a few have embraced not only the ugly shoe, but it’s near blood relative, the sock.  So while really no one can truly take credit, we can all benefit.

Ugly shoes suddenly are oxymorons…two seemingly unlike things that are paired together.  (Jumbo Shrimp, Deafening Silence, Tevas and lace.)  They become a metaphor of the women who will wear them.  Reliable, making an impression, resilient.

It’s unexpected and refreshing.  Instead of teetering around in those beautiful strappy sandals that make my toe bed bleed, I can wear big dogs…and my own aren’t barking at the end of the day.

Personally, the clean line of a simple, yet large sandal appeals to me.  It’s visually interesting against any type of clothing you may choose to wear.  Hopefully this becomes a trend that will last into the fall.  Have you seen some of the big chunky heeled brogues and oxfords that the men get to wear?  Love.  Them.

Pack For Europe

As promised, I have compiled a list for you for packing for an international adventure. This list is designed for an urban, European city. This will work if you’re including churches, restaurants, museums, evenings out etc. If you are planning a trip to a tropical beach, there’s a whole different way to pack.

Image 1The first thing you need to remember is that you CAN NOT bring everything. Not plausible. Not possible. Not pleasant. You want to get the most bang for you buck for every piece you choose.

Here is the list, refined and undefined:  

  • One navy or gray dress
  • One print skirt
  • One solid skirt
  • Three tops
  • For the flight, trousers, (NOT jeans) a silky/dressy t-shirt, a second top, a sweater and a light weight scarf

There is a method to this madness.  Read on.

Plan to pack around a color scheme. While you may think this is restricting, in all actuality, it is absolutely liberating. When you choose core pieces in similar color schemes, then you can add diversity and spice with the accessories you will bring, (and probably buy.) For example, if you choose navy blue as a base color, go with yellow and white, or navy with green and cream. If you choose, say gray, go with gray, red and cream. Gray, blue and white. If you want brown for your base color, mix it with coral and cream. These core colors will give you options with aforementioned accessories.

Europeans tend to dress in darker, well made fabrics. That doesn’t mean you have to follow…suit. It does mean that you should try and be aware of the customs of a local area. Religious and cultural expectations must be upheld. For the first piece, I would choose:

1- A Navy blue or gray dress: No, not black. These colors are a bit more day time friendly, especially in the summer. This dress needs to be at least knee length. Until you’ve seen (and possibly worn) those weird hospital gown throw away coverups in the churches, you won’t understand the importance of this. The Vatican, for example, will NOT let you in. There are a million people in line behind you and they don’t care how far you may have traveled. Legs. Covered. Arms. Covered. This dress will be your work horse essential. Choose one that is light in weight and either lined, or doesn’t cling. Cap sleeves are appropriate every where. If you choose sleeveless, be sure to have a scarf to wrap yourself in when you enter a place of worship.

2- A print skirt (and a solid skirt) in your chosen color scheme: This skirt will need to match every single one of the three shirts you will bring with you. Remember all those boring combinations and permutations you did in high school math wondering when you would ever use it again in your life? Well, this is one of those times. You want all of your garments to be able to combine with everything else. This multiples your choices without adding weight. So, say you have picked a navy blue polka dotted skirt. Pack a white, a chambray and a pop of color shirt, like yellow.

Traveling for a week, you can bring much less than you would expect.  One of the first things you will need to concede to is that you don’t need to bring jeans with you on every single trip.  Dress up a bit more on vacation.  There’s plenty of evidence in the business world alone that, hate to break it to you, people judge you by what you are wearing.  The same is true at hotel check-in desks, airlines, and restaurants. Dresses take up such little space in a small suitcase.  It’s an irony of sorts because the garment that makes you look the nicest requires the least amount of thought.  One navy dress and/or one gray dress can see you through days of travel.

3- Accessories: Leave your most precious jewelry at home. This can be sentimental or monetary value. If it will ruin your entire vacation and haunt you forever if you lost it, stow it safely at home. Instead, choose some high end costume jewelry. Silver hoops are perfect with everything. Jewelry is also a perfect souvenir for yourself….er, I mean your friends and family.  Pack a few scarves that match everything.  These can be used as belts, scarves, or even just some color tied to your bag.

4- Shoes: Get ready to hate me. You can only bring two pairs. One of the pairs you will be wearing. This is one of the biggest ways to keep the heft down in the bag. Pick a pair of ballet flats and perhaps a pair of flat, dressy sandals. I know you want to look chic and Parisian, but you will be weeping all the live long day if you choose uncomfortable shoes. Sorry. That’s the breaks.

So. You have a dress. Two skirts and three tops. This will see you through days and days. I mean it.

Now. For the flight, you have to consider a bunch of things. First off, the shoes. Literally, that’s the first thing they make you remove. Belts, scarves, jackets, bags, everything has to go into the bins. Layer a sweater and a striped silk t-shirt with a top. (Look what you just did, you wore three different outfit options at once. Separate them for the days ahead.) Choose a classic pair of trousers to wear on the flight. These will also follow your color scheme.This lets you scoot and shift in your seat and you can stay comfortable and covered. Don’t wear a belt. Instead, put the belt along the perimeter of the bag. It won’t take up any room. Wear a scarf for the flight. Wear the heaviest one you brought. The plane can be chilly and those blankets they now charge you for the privilege of using are gross. Really gross.

Other incidentals in the bag include your unmentionables. I won’t mention them except to say bring “wicking” undies. These dry in a flash and keep you cooler. You will be washing your skivvies in the sink, so prepare yourself. The hotels will have soap, even the hostels will. They have become uber-chic of late, so try one! The one thing I will say about the hospitality items in the hotel bathrooms, they don’t have conditioner. I don’t know what millions of Europeans are doing, but it just won’t be there. In your 3-1-1 bag the airline forces you to use, I would bring conditioner and leave the shampoo for whatever they provide. Honestly, my hair can handle cruddy shampoo, but if I don’t have the right product for frizz, things can get ugly. (Wait, what’s a 3-1-1 bag? Well, 3 ounces (actually 3.4 or less) 1 quart size and 1 bag per person.)

Now. I want you to pinky swear that you will not bring the following: white, hideous sneakers, a fanny pack, (for the love of all that is holy) and t-shirts with sayings, words or pictures on them. I’m serious, people.

A man from Belgium once asked my husband about Americans. He wanted to know WHY we are so proud of the towns we live in that everyone wears a shirt with their cities on them. We had to explain the whole culture of college ball, and sports and on and on. It made me think though. It becomes glaringly apparent that YOU don’t belong and you probably have a lot of cash on you. Try to blend in. The same is true for the sneakers. Americans are equated with sneakers. I am a proud American, but there are people in the world who would hurt us if given the chance. Again, blend in. The fanny pack, well they are just ugly. Don’t wear it.

In my next post, I will explain the fanny pack aversion and offer you some choices that are not only chic, but safe for your traveling papers.